I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
