so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
