Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
