Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
