so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
