i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
