Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
