I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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