I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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