ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
