and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Four minutes until I can fart!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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