Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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