Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
