Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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