worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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