I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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