We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
