so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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