we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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