wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
