Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
