He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
