elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
