After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
