K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're facebook friends in real life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
