I love black thongs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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