Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize