At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
