And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
