she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
