Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
