You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize