Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
