I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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