The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
