At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
