his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
