Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
