): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
soo... how was my night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
