why didn't you poke me back
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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