Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
