she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
