I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's not a foreskin expert like you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
