I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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