1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
