It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
