How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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