shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
