my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have already put on my inside pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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