So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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