Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
