There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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