its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize