i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
