bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
