He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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