i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
