spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
