When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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