Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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