omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can Purell be used as lube?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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