Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize